he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize