I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize