OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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