Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize