I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize