i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I still have a little drunk in my system
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize