walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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