i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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