Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize