You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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