a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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