We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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