just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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