Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize