ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize