so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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