I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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