then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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