If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize