I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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