ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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