fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize