I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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