He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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