I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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