New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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