so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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