Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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