Sorry, I don't speak sober.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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