Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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