I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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