no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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