Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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