Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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