We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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