I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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