the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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