I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize