I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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