My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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