I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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