If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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