the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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