I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize