Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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