I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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