The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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