dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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