I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize