it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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